I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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