ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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