So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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