it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
