Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
