Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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