can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
