im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize
