OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
