I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
