After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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