He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
