Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
