ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
