hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
