$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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