tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
