Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
