just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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