While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
