I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Who died my cat blue again?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
