Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
