Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
