You smell like stripper and shame
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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