I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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