Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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