YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
