Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
