What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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