even my farts smell like vagina
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
