Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
where am i from again
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
