Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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