I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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