I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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