do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
