You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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