hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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