I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
