you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
