Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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