I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
