They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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