Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
