Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
