she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He has the fingertips of a God
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