Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
