The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
