"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
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