butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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