I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
