her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
