I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
