I didn't shave. On purpose
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
