direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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