i don't really know how much tequila is too much
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
