Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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