you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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