I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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