Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
