You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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