I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
