This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize