a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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