I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
