oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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