Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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