He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
birth control should be required to get into college
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
