she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
