i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
