Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I intend to get homeless drunk
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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