drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
